


Monophobia

by Nekomiya



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Oneshot, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, im sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3996793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekomiya/pseuds/Nekomiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fear of being alone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monophobia

Mizuki wasn't the handsomest of guys. Okay, sure. He knew that. He wasn't exactly all rippling muscles like Mink... But he did have some. He wasn't the ladies' man like Koujaku either... He couldn't cook like Clear... And he sure as hell wasn't loaded with money like Noiz was... And well- He didn't have that strange luck for getting dates like Aoba did. Hell, even Ren probably got more doggy dates than he did his entire life.

His body was starting to become out of shape and weak due to his extra long stay at the hospital. His skin had grown slightly paler and his ribs were visible now. His eyes had bags and his cheeks looked hollow. He was like a walking skeleton. He wished that he could have more money to eat or to get some sort of help, but alas... He didn't have much after paying off that hospital bill. Mizuki did want to get a boyfriend or girlfriend- But, no one came around. He wasn't in the mentality to get one either. Again, he still didn't have a lot of money. His personality was probably... going down the drain. He felt weak and self conscious about himself.

Well, Mizuki did have a Dry Juice team... Sort of.

Half of the team still didn't wake up from the previous events with Morphine. The ones who did didn't feel safe anymore. It was all his fault too. It was his fault. He was the one who ruined their lies.

His fault alone.

Some of his team members had wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, children, pets, friends, loved ones- And all that. Those said people had to live who knows how long without them in their life. And who did they have to thank for that?

Mizuki.

It was Mizuki's fault.

He selfishly decided for the team to join Morphine and ruin everyone's lives. God... He was such an idiot. Why didn't he just tell Aoba or Koujaku about how he was doing? It would be better than where he was now.

Shit.

Aoba and Koujaku were probably on a date and gazing into each others eyes while doing something cheesy. He could imagine his best friends kissing slowly and smiling as they snuggled closer to each other. Maybe they'd even go farther- Or whatever. He didn't want to think about it.

Mostly because he was alone.

The bar was empty. No one was there.

He sat behind the counter and looked around the Black Needle.

Nothing.

There wasn't any sort of sound. No dripping from the faucet, no bugs chirping, and no talking. Just... silence.

It's been like this for a while.

"I guess... I can close up..." He muttered to himself while placing an empty glass down. "No one's going to come in again..."

Sluggishly, he pulled himself into the other room where the stairs were to his apartment. One by one, he placed his heavy footsteps up the stairs until he reached the living space. He went straight to his small bathroom and scratched the side of his face. He hadn't noticed it before, but he needed to shave. It was prickly and starting to itch.

Green hues observed the reflection in the mirror calmly. He took notice of his stubble, his tattoo on his cheek- and the bandages around his neck. Just looking at them made him feel nauseated. Shaking his head from the bad thoughts, he forced a smile into the mirror.

Even his smile looked sad.

Dropping the smile, he ran a hand through his messy red hair and sighed loudly.

"This is annoying..."

He stripped out of his t-shirt and raised a brow. It was sort of sweaty. Since when was he sweating? Oh well. Next came off his pants and then the rest. He shivered from the cold air hitting his skin and dropped his clothes on the floor. He could pick them up later.

Looking back into the mirror, he swallowed hard and grimaced at the bandages around his neck. Ever so carefully, he undid them and placed them in the trash. When he spotted the Morphine marking on his neck, he got a flash of bad memories.

All he could remember was being locked up in a dark room. There was no way to escape. He couldn't tell which way was forward or backwards. It just felt like he was alone. He didn't know where he was or even who he was. He felt like he lost himself. It wasn't until he saw Aoba that he thought he could be saved... But no. Aoba did nothing. He had to save himself in a coma- Or at least, that's what the doctors said he had.

The scariest part was that he wasn't supposed to wake up.

They had announced him braindead in the hospital after a few months.

He would have been trapped in that small box forever...

It was starting to get hard to breathe. The room was starting to collapse onto him. He could feel his chest getting smashed against the wall. All he could hear was his own voice saying strange things into his ears.

"You're a mess... This is all your fault... You can't even take care of a fake family... People have died because of you."  
"S-stop... That's not true..." Mizuki attempted to argue with the voice.

"Oh yeah? Just look at you. You're so pathetic. You're naked and helpless. Luckily for you, we got help... Remember?"

A flash of Virus' and Trip's faces appeared in the back of his mind. He could see them smiling slyly with their ice cold eyes staring him down.

"No! Stop! This isn't real- Just stop... Please."

"You're talking to yourself again. Don't you know that's crazy?"

"I'm not crazy..."

"Look."

Looking down, Mizuki stared at his hands. His dull nails were filled with dirt and blood. Startled, he came back to reality and looked at the mirror.

The reflection in the mirror looked back and pulled his hands up to his neck. The hands lovingly stroked at the Morphine tattoo. Back and forth sensually... Then they dug the nails deep into his skin. He winced at the pain, but couldn't stop himself from watching. He scratched slowly at the marking. He watched as his nails dug so deeply that it bled. Over and over again this happened. The skin was red, irritated, and raw- Even so, he didn't want to stop.

No one would want him to stop anyway.

"I-I can't do this."

Ripping his hands away, he looked back at the mirror and saw that his neck was unscathed. Confused, he rubbed it.

Nothing.

Honestly, Mizuki had been starting to become confused. Day after day, night after night, he couldn't distinguish the real world from the fake world anymore. Something was wrong but he couldn't place his finger on it. He had been taking some medicine from the doctors to help with his headaches and hallucinations, but it wasn't working. He was still seeing things. 

"I just need a shower. That's all..." 

Determined to get clean, he opened the shower curtain and stepped into his tub. He stood there and turned on the water to warm. He sighed and closed his eyes as the gentle water sprayed down upon his naked body. It felt nice. He just wanted to stay in the shower forever and forget about all his worries, but that'd be pretty expensive. Water bills were part of living too. Speaking of which, bills... Those would be hard to pay off without a successful business. 

While he was thinking, he noticed that the water had become hotter. Cracking open his eyes to see if he had changed the heat on accident, he spotted a redness instead. The red liquid was pouring out of the showerhead. 

Mizuki was not in shock and watched the dark red shoot out at a harsher pressure. He was very familiar with the substance. 

Blood. 

There was blood. He was bathing in blood. It was probably his own blood- maybe other member's blood. 

It wasn't real. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. 

It was just another hallucination. 

Turning the water onto cold, he watched as the water cleared up. That usually happened to him. 

The one thing he didn't understand was why there was steam coming from the cold water. Maybe it was just another hallucination or something. Once more, he began to bathe. 

He rubbed his body with a bar of soap and watched his body turn red like a lobster. 

Something was seriously wrong. 

Again, he looked at the heat on the shower. 

It was boiling water. 

Letting the feeling of the extreme hotness come back to his senses, he screamed in pain and shut it off. He stumbled out of the bathtub and ended up collapsing onto the floor wrapped up in the shower curtain. He struggled and began to cry from how much pain he was in. 

It hurt. 

Everything hurt. 

He was hot and cold at the same time. 

The walls were starting to move together again too. 

He couldn't stop crying. 

He sat there on the bathroom floor covered in a shower curtain for who knows how long. 

His hot tears trickled down his cheeks and pooled near his neck. Each time he felt something land on his tattoo, he hissed in pain. It was similar to feeling acid dripped onto him. 

Out of bad habit, he began to scratch at his neck. 

Each scratch was real this time, unlike the last. 

He dug into his skin as deeply as he could and didn't even care if it was dangerous. 

"Get it off- Please... Please! Get it off!" He cried. 

The tattoo was humiliating. He felt like he was branded like a cow off to get killed. With that mark on him, he was no better than a dog still. He needed to be free from it. 

Violently, he tore away at his skin. The first layer of skin was reluctant to come off and he was having a hard time with it. No matter how deeply he scratched, he could only make it irritated and red. 

Ignoring the pain, the ex-leader struggled to stand up and went to the medicine cabinet. He looked through the countless medications and bandages to pull out an old razor he had. 

He should shave. 

Maybe he should shave his tattoo. 

Bringing the sharp edge to his neck, Mizuki watched himself. His breathing slowed so he wouldn't mess up as badly. In the mirror, he swore that he could see himself standing behind him and holding his hands steady with a wicked smile plastered on his face. 

_"Go ahead and do it, Mizuki... Just because you get rid of the visible mark doesn't mean you'll be saved..."_

"I have to..." Mizuki seethed out of his teeth. "I need to get rid of it." 

_"Then I'll help."_

Mizuki placed the sharp edge right under his chin where the messy black ink started. Ever so slowly, he shoved the blade under and began to carefully cut the mistake out of his skin. 

A loud cry of pain rippled through the bathroom. He watched in horror as the blood began to flow from his neck. He had barely even begun. 

The tears gathered more quickly in his eyes as he continued to cut away. More and more, the blood began to flow out. 

_"This is truly sad... You're probably going to die here naked and rotting. How many people have checked up on you lately? About one... four months ago? Ha... I feel sorry for them."_

"..." 

Mizuki couldn't reply since he was facing a pain he never felt before. 

No, not his neck. 

Rather, in his heart. 

His heart was aching from either trying to clot the blood around his neck or perhaps from the thought about it. 

He had been alone for about four months straight. Occasionally, an old member would enter the shop just to get their fix without even talking to him and once Aoba checked up on him. Ever since Aoba and Koujaku got together, he had been the third wheel. No one even care about him. His old family didn't visit. His friends didn't visit. 

It was just himself. 

_"Me myself and I."_

Then, if no one cared... Then no one would miss him either. 

Why should he carry on? 

His life wasn't getting anywhere. 

He was so pathetic. 

_"You're so scared to be alone yet..."_

The large chunk of skin fell off of his neck and landed in the sink. His neck was bleeding so much that it was starting to fill in his throat. The tattoo was still facing upwards and seemed to mock him. 

_"Here you are dying by yourself..."_

Clutching his neck, Mizuki squeezed hard to try and stop the bleeding. When he reached forward to grab new bandages, he grasped onto the whole cabinet instead. The medicine came out and splattered itself everywhere. 

Mizuki felt sick to his stomach. 

He was weak.

So weak. 

His eyes felt tired. 

He needed to lay down. 

When he collapsed again onto the ground, he continued to press his hands on his neck. 

Even though he knew that the tattoo was cut off, 

he could still feel it weighing him down. 

_"And now... You will die alone..."_


End file.
